Doubt

Dreaming.

Of what I couldn't say.

Such bliss and peacefulness I watch,

But now I simply lie awake.

Just wanting to feel wanted

It doesn’t feel like I am at all

Tears forming in the liquid abyss

Make my eyelids want to fall.

But it’s like they are held open

Like a child tugging on their parents longing for attention

Feeling loved and cherished moments earlier

But the slightest loneliness sinks me into a depression.

My mind is telling me

Just get a good sleep

But these negative nightmarish thoughts weighing down on me

Take this hole and make it deep.

When I try to crawl out

They pull me back down

And when the arcs of my mouth try to perk up

It’s like the weight of failure is pulling them to a frown.

So I say why try

Because if I do and I fail it hurts even worse than before

I hit the bottom on these wooden planks as they break

And I continue to fall more.

It’s like a chore

And I work and i work to try and ascend

Should I get back up

Well I guess that all depends.

Go through pain and suffering

Questioning the final pieces

Like finishing a conclusion

When you haven’t written a thesis.

Question marks

And my concerns are they even worth to mention

My mind feeling like a prison cell

As I’m awaiting my sentence.

My charges, overthinking

Guilty of that, maybe so

Things moving underneath are my roots

And even in turmoil I still grow.

Does it still hurt, of course

Because I still don't have the solution

Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel

Or is it another illusion?

Thinking of these thoughts

Will they come through

If they do or if they don’t

One thing remains true.

I’m a fighter to the end

Throwing my best punches

And while my head is hung low

That will turn to hunches.

Hunches turn to standing

And standing turns to success

Though I am not there yet

I’ll still give it my best.

And I’m improving even now

Though I’m still not quite right

But as my eyelids finally fall

I can close shop for the night.

Emotions

Almost everyday

I find myself coping

Trying to find a way

To deal with these emotions.

The first one is fear,

This haunts me like none other,

Like the feeling that a boy would get from hurting a girl

Then having to look into the eyes of the older brother.

Feeling powerless and weak,

Turning the mind into fear itself, 

Being in so much worry that even a single second of silence and peace

Would feel like eclipsing the highest peak of wealth.

When you sense your mind is calm, 

There is no feeling that feels the same, 

Like holding the hand of your one true love, 

As long as you don’t let go you feel happy and sane.

Like nothing else is as important 

When I gaze into those two masterpieces that we call eyes, 

Belonging to those we love most. 

I’ve looked into them so many times before, 

But it only took me that one time to have them memorized.

The opposition of love 

Is the one that we call hate 

That emotion that we become full of 

After somebody lies right to our face. 

Hate is not something that we desire, 

As a matter of fact we try to avoid it at all costs, 

Like how I hate to lose and love to win, 

So this feeling fills me when I have to tell somebody, “I lost.”

But when you reach that bottom and you can taste the top, 

Motivation is given, 

Like when people think that they can read you like a book, 

But you know for a fact that there are some pages missing.

Now when I listen to the doubters, 

To me, that’s like gold, 

They say in my condition something can’t be done, but when I do it 

Their looks of astonishment never get old. 

Having the ball in my hand, 

Throw it up from three and splash, 

All the looks of doubt turn to surprise, 

While I just turn around and laugh.

But sometimes things won’t work out and you’ll be let down, 

The result is sadness, 

And when you have nobody to talk to or anyway to let it out, 

That could cause your mind madness. 

Even though we may say we don’t feel sad, 

There will always be some present, 

We hide it the best and it’s the hardest to bring back up 

Because it can cause so much emotional tension.

It is for that very reason 

That we need ways to vent, 

Whether letting our fingers free typing away on computer keys 

Or having a good talk with one of your best friends. 

Now the hardest emotion to truly obtain 

May be true happiness, 

Because to achieve this it may mean making sacrifices 

That you just don’t want to risk

Leaving your zone, 

Your area of safety, 

But the risk is worth the sweet reward, 

Like the inside of a strawberry pastry. 

That’s something we will all face, 

And we will all have to make a choice, 

But don’t listen to the noises that are lurking in your head, 

You just have to listen to your heart’s voice.

All of these emotions 

Can make an appearance on a daily basis, 

But how we shape ourselves 

Determine how well we can face it.